no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
