is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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