i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
