Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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