He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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