ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
