i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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