I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
