I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
