good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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