just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
