Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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