i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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