he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
