Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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