I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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