no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize