Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
