just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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