You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize