We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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