if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize