Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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