my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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