It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
