Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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