Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
