Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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