I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
