He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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