Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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