do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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