I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
