i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
