I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
