that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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