i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So. Much. Porn.
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