you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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