I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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