so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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