He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
