I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize