K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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