So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
