so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
