Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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