Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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