So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize