VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
