and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize