i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
