Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
