No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
