you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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