I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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