My room smells like vodka and shame
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
