Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
