so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
