he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
