eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
