so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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