whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
