everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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