drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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