epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
