I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
