It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
