Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
