It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
