you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize