fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
